Masterchef
Extract 1
Contestant: Inside the beignet is coffee with chicory brewed pretty strong mixed with sodium alginate and that’s set to cool and that’s dropped into a calcium chloride bath which sets a gel around the sauce.
Judge: What’s is that?
Contestant: it’s the coffee sauce
Judge: It’s extraordinary bitter. That is like a coffee blood clot.
Contestant: I think the resting time may have set more of the alginate base that would have liked.
Judge: It’s not because it’s been sitting, it’s that fact that it was wrong before it even got put in there. At my restaurant, we use some of these techniques you know, but we never go around and try to trump it that we’re using it because it works and it speaks for itself but things like this give what I personally do day in and day out a bad name. whether it’s got a cool ingredient or a technique or not that’s just bad food. Disgusting.
Extract 2
Contestant: I present my dish and I’m really proud. I like the presentation and I think the judges are gonna find it genius.
Judge: What in the hell is that?
Contestant: it’s about 15 crepes stacked together.
Judge: 15 crepes in there?
Contestant: About 15 crepes.
Judge: Alright so in between about that 15 crepes what is it?
Contestant: It’s a mixture of cream cheese, mascarpone, some espresso, a little cream, some sugar.
Judge: Damn. You have to do this with me. You have to taste that. It’s like I’ve just gone to the doctors for a skin graft on my butt and suck it in caramel. That is a horrible, weird texture. That’s rancid.
Contestant: That’s good. Huh?
Judge: You know the fact that it’s an elimination test. It’s serious. There’s no sweetness, I don’t get a lot of coffee flavour at all, I don’t get much of anything aside from the weird texture. I would be worried actually with what you made here.
Extract 3
Contestant: It’s a Pennsylvania Dutch plate. It’s pork and sauerkraut.
Judge: What the hell were you thinking?
Contestant: It’s what I grew up with.
Judge: So if it’s that what you grew up with then this should be mind blowing. You don’t look like you’ve achieved much.
Contestant: Altogether you have is meant to go together.
Judge: Disgusting. Is that a joke? Not impressed and I think one of your weakest performances in this competition. You know that at least one of you is leaving Masterchef tonight.
Contestant: I understand.
Judge: Just look at that and it looks like a pig just shit on my bowl.
Another judge: That’s a fucking joke. This is a great example of what garbage is. If you’re gonna serve us crap like that then you’re really wasting our time. You guys think about what we’re here to do at this point in this competition. Jennifer that is really disappointing. You were on a great trajectory and I don’t know what that leaves you quite frankly.
Extract 4
Contestant: It’s a glazed pork belly braised cabbage and spaetzle as well as a gravy.
Judge: Fuck me. What’s the spice in there?
Contestant: I had cloves in there.
Judge: Okay. Fuck. One word for that. Fuck you. Quite possibly the worst sauce I’ve ever tasted in my entire fucking life. It’s bits of crap stuck together with soft bits of spaetzle at the bottom and there’s revolting in terms of the raw spice and the sort of horrible bitter taste. (say to another judge) Be careful!
Contestant: This show is called Masterchef, not delusional chef. What do you know about German sauces in German cuisine? This is a freaking disaster. I will not even be able to taste the dishes that I taste after this because of you. It is awful and if it doesn’t send you home, it probably should.
Extract 5
Contestant: I roasted the potatoes in the pizza stone, I did the bacon in the pizza stone and I did the lobster on the pizza stone as well.
Judge: This looks really bad. It almost looks like some kind of soup but then you got like this big old long piece of bacon that looked like it just fell in it from someone’s breakfast.
Another judge: I’m supposed to eat this, really? You know watching you cook this was just a letdown. We’re gonna go from 11 down to 10 and this is what you bring? Go. It’s the most important dish in your life guys you see this? This is garbage.
